i'm exhausted..

Assalammualaikum.. dear blog.. i feel a little depressed lately.. i feel so tired.. rasanya.. sudah cukup selama ani apa yang ku alami.. and i have let go everything to be with him.. not because he ask me..but because i knew that i want to be with him.. and i know and believe that i can be happy with him.. apapun yang dulu ku alami, ku cuba sudah jadikan semua atu sejarah dalam hidupku.. and kalau boleh nda ku mau lagi mengingati dan merasakan sakit yang sama.. semua atu cuba ku lupakan.. i can be hurt by my past.. but.. i m not expecting things to happen lagi when i'm with him.. i dunno dari mana lagi ku kan cari kekuatan ani.. i dunno how to believe anymore.. its not the first time i feel cemani.. but everytime i feel cheated behind me, i can feel it.. am i not enough? is my love not enough? i dont deserve to be loved? or.. maybe my time to be loved already passed? just like the time we spend together, and i can feel it.. everytime we hangout together, he dun want to hold my hand again..just like we used to.. or.. is he ashamed to be with me? or.. maybe he was afraid to be seen with me? am i not that important anymore? or.. is there anyone more special in his life now? i dunno.. i m not saying things without thinking.. whatever i feel.. i know there must be something going on.. i cry again last night... i knew.. things are still unsettle between him and the other girl.. or maybe.. he still cant forgive me? sometimes, he gives me cold treatment.. i know i m not perfect.. or maybe i m not the one for him.. but.. all these while, i just hold on to things he said before.. that he will love me forever.. that nobody loves him like i do.. that he cant lived without me.. and he wont marry again if not with me... i remember everything.. dari dulu sampai ani.. i just dunno if he already forget things he said before.. i m tired.. and i feel sick.. will this things continue? is it true that happiness is really not for me? i can be hurt.. but i m not expecting this from him.. i never want him to leave me ever..